even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i out mim tonsoeep
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