areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
