well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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