I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
