Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hippo gnu deer
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
