I just cut my nipple shaving
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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