I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
