The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
