I hope mine doesn't look like that
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
