Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
