I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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