Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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