I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
