handjob tips. give me some.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
