Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
