addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
