Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
