Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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