forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
