Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
