So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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