I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
