those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
