John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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