did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
