i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
