I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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