I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We need to get me chipped asap
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
