ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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