so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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