I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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