My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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