I think I died a long time ago.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
