there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
