i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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