If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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