I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
