I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
