after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
