So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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