You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
