Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
