Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
