Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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