i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
