My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
