just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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