we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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