I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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