Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
